This post isn't funny. Just warning you.

I'm not quite sure why I'm writing right now. I don't have anything particularly amusing to say.

I feel all weird. Tomorrow is Saturday, which is a good thing. Days off are hard. I'd rather be working than not. And Saturday is a day when R is around, and R always makes me smile. He's very silly and blond and cute, which is good when you're just generally feeling blah. And maybe a party on Saturday night? But Sunday is going to be such an early morning, so blahhhh on the partying thing. I suppose it could be all right, as long as I'm not still drunk in the morning. That would be Very Bad Indeed. And drunkenness always leads to Bad Decisions. And Bad Decisions are, well... bad. I don't know, maybe I'll harass E into going with me to the party.

In a couple weeks (or maybe this week? I am unsure) my heterosexual life partner comes home from being very much gone all summer (you know who you are and I miss you!). Then the ex comes home, which could be a good or a bad thing. And then KS comes to visit. And then back to school. So in the grand scheme of things, the next few weeks will go by relatively quickly. I'm just stuck in weird doldrums. Work is slow. I've made two rescues in what feels like the last million days. I mean, granted, they were badass rescues, but I like to average about 2 per week. That's enough to keep you on your toes without being too much running around. And B hurt himself, so he's not around for me to look at/stare at/creep on all the time. Sigh. But I did see him the other day at the BBQ with Skeletor (aka the girlfriend). Ugh. He did go out of his way to see and talk to me though, heeee. Too bad fishing off the company dock is generally unwise. And by "generally unwise" I mean "really fucking stupid."

I guess what it is, really, is that I feel like I'm wasting time and energy that could be spent doing awesome things. I like lifeguarding. Hell, I like it a lot. I just feel like my brains are wasting away inside my head and my many talents are going completely untapped, and all I am going to have to show for this summer is a kickass tan and a me that is about 20 lbs lighter (if all goes according to plan, which it is NOT right now. Gr.) I'm trying to console myself with the idea that this is the last summer I'll have to waste my brains. Except I might have to waste them a little next summer too to make some money before I move abroad. But that isn't a big deal because at least I'll have plans. I'm so anxious to get out into the world. I really need to relax and enjoy this as it is right now. And that's really really difficult right now. I feel like I'm wasting time, and even though I know that isn't particularly true, I'm jealous and angry that so many of my friends got to go away this summer. I wanted to go away, but instead I'm stuck at home dealing with parents and people I didn't particularly like in high school, and don't particularly like now. (I like some of you, but most of the people I enjoy AREN'T HERE THIS SUMMER. Jerks.)

Anyway, I've ranted enough. Time for bed (because I am an old woman...)