So, um. Yeah.

I have a black eye.

Yes, I have a motherfucking black eye. From lifeguarding. No joke, people. Not only did I work a 14 hour day today, have the police (yes, the fucking POLICE) call the station looking for me (long story, I will tell it in a moment) I have a black eye. I would be pissed if I wasn't so proud of it.

So, aside from being elbowed in the face by a "swimmer" (I use this word with derision, because he swam through the water much in the same way that rocks don't swim through the water) I made the rescue and everything was lovely. I was bleeding from the face for the agency photo op (and I'm pretty sure they got me on ESPN bleeding fucking everywhere... no joke...), but hey, I'm just THAT badass.

It's still only a baby black eye now, but I am hoping that it will blossom into a lovely specimen in the next few days.

So I get my black eye, then I head out to get a smoothie, because I have an hour or so break before I have to actually go to work fo'realz. So I go to get my smoothie, and what do I witness? A mom beating the shit out of her kid in the parking lot. Child abuse=not cool. So the cops come and shit, except they aren't really the cops, they sent the fire department. Some kind of miscommunication happened here, but who am I to complain. And I have to go back to work, so I give them the station number, and my cell, and I peace out.

And promptly forget.

Until around four o'clock, when I'm breaking out a tower, and I get this phone call:

"SUNBURNED BEACHMONKEY."

"Uhhhh.... yes...?"

"WHY ARE THE COPS CALLING HQ LOOKING FOR YOU? WHAT DID YOU DO?"

"Aawwwwww, fuck me."

"WHAT?!?!"

So then I have to explain the whole story. And when he calmed down he told me they were putting bets on what I was wanted for. The top idea was bank robbery.

Oh yes. I am that badass. Fear me.