Hole contacts...

"Is there a rule against digging big holes on the beach?"

Shit shit shit, I was zoning out. Repeat what you said, I wasn't listening. Okay, just pretend you didn't hear her, she'll ask again.

"Excuse me, but are there rules against digging big holes on the beach?"

Ohhh I heard you that time. Awesome.

Thinking the woman toting a caravan of children wanted to dig a big hole on the beach, I smiled down at her. Hah, I love being a lifeguard. I get to be taller than everyone.

"There aren't any rules against it, as long as you don't dig it in front of my tower..."

But Helicopter Mommy interrupted me.

"Because I just saw a documentary on KJDFLKJJHGFSDLKJDFUTYWUYGVX (or whatever fuckin' acronym they're using these days) News about a high school kid who died when the hole he was digging collapsed."

Yeah, he was probably drunk. "Well, we don't have rules against it..."

"You should." She stalked off.

Excuse me? So not only am I interrupting natural selection by even doing my job (a force of nature I believe in very strongly, in fact), but you want me to enforce a "no hole-digging" edict on the beach as well? In addition to "no dogs, no glass, no alcohol, no smoking, no sitting by the bluff, etc"? What was really disturbing about this exchange, however, wasn't that this mom was concerned for her (multitude of) children's safety, but she expected me to parent for her. Rather than saying, "Okay, cunt-dropping A, don't climb into holes, because they may collapse on you," she wants me to fill in all the holes on the beach. So am I supposed to yank people out of the water because someone might drown? No, that's ridiculous-- but it's essentially what this woman wanted me to do. And the worst part is that Helicopter Mommy is going to produce selfish, entitled little brats that take and take and take, and do nothing good in the world.